Because I can’t decide (Drew)

If I were a star,
knowing my belonging
My worth a print of
My beauty you can look
at and shine my love…

A love letter would befall you while you slept, not much said only the briefest confession
I can only say so much without it losing its meaning

If I were a sky
loved by many
belonging to all
glanced at with too
much and too less
emotions of all
when I’m looked at….

A goodbye letter would take its trip to your hands, written in nonchalance scribble of a machine
The dead poet’s words, “I couldn’t say I can’t love you -”

And if I were precious
to my soul knew scriptures
of pure feelings swelling
in hearts of many before
I and many with me
skirting backward
to I’m happy alone…

A wall of forgetfulness would be guard of my memories, your life worlds away mine, you’d smile
I’d flinch my “try again” too noticeable to your conscious

I’m gone into my life inside a well
You’re too precious
You’re a star
You’re the sky

I’m a shadow behind your Godly self
You belong
You’re loved
You’re pure

And I haven’t slept at nights
guarding my star
Where you are
sleep well, and goodbye too soon
Loved by a no named woman

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Prisoner

Where was I born?
I want to argue for my wants
they want to breathe easier my wants
when was I born?
to this age of fellowship is it
hollowed with I look to you
they can’t look back
and it has nothing to do with us

Who goes to your plans?
the drawn ups I live through
yet you tell me the chains are gone
your forefather fought, you are
A anew -generation
I am, am I?
who goes to your plans?
I don’t hear about my future
when I was child I wanted to sing
a song of my mother’s birth
you beat me, I lost my true purpose
get up, you were made for our science
I want to breathe, let me sing
your mother dies in a shack
your mother dies under stolen paper
I want to live, let me, let me sing .
your mother is mine before you’ll live
now get up, follow the road
It shows believers where to go

Why was I born?
to hate my skin…
I can’t live hating this cover
Its torment, I can’t scratch this cover
my people scream theirs too
why were we born?
for their new slavery
I can speak their language
for their new revolution
I can wear their lives
they own us still, we can’t breathe
Why was we born?

When I was child
I danced to Africa’s rising sun
A tune embarking my gods’ truth
he glanced down at me, gave me powers
And I know they know
And I know we know
let us free, I’d still love to sing
you can hear us, you’d have to look at me
I don’t want to live together
makes me animal, what is it?
makes me your theory, what is it?
you still bury mother under what pleases you
she can’t speak your language

I loved to use my hands
mine to bare, I loved to use my hands
they aren’t laughing now
I am sorry for sidestepping
I will get in line, leave mother alone
I will do your plans, let her feel the sun
my singing is faded with gods
what is tomorrow?
my forefather fought
I’d have fought
only I have role in play
long live slavery

Drew

Are you strong?
Willingly hold out
your hand for non-
confident hand?
It is invincible right now

Can you come out
your fame shelter
look behind my cheap
shelter and focus
in my eyes will you
willingly, knowing
whats to happen
will perhaps happen?

I followed you first
watched in the dark
targeted you first
my words aren’t comprehensive
preyed on you first
though I am weak
and with that knowledge
are you going to want
to hear my voice,
want what I want to give

What is it that you are?
aside your rehearsed smile
your tailored clothes
written songs I dare you
your locked away person
pardon my manners
I only want to know
what did I see
behind printed pictures

I was only young then
clueless then
followed their lead then
A teenage boy’s voice
luring me into abyss
where am I?
I know where you are
but where am I?
nowhere
nowhere
near you, abyss
abyss

Will you meet me?
the coming future
I see your eyes
someone else’s moment
Mine though, will you?
Because I close my eyes
and your eyes cannot be
described, I used to want
chocolate for them
perfect shade too
Now I only want honey
perhaps a turned syrup

I say a lot
only never the closest
meaning ever escape
I want you someday
now behind the world
I want you sometime
now near all the women
I will suffocate
my imperfections
my impurer infatuation
my stinking namesake
I want you in another life
where we’d be fair folk
walking similar path
glamouring similar world
and maybe your heart will be mine

Go on, go on
I haven’t known why I write to you
why I tell you in my heart
my soul, my head
I haven’t known why I keep
keep you laid atop my senses
you’re not mine
but you’re mine in my senses
Hello
Bye
Drew

Corrupted Poetry: Father

Where were you father
and father you are
where were you?

I called your name
million trillion tries
in a siren to reach
corners of the earth
echo above blue waters
your ship took path
taken you places
abandoned by sinners
as myself, I remember
my scream altogether
with my prayer
outstretched to your
bearing ears, your deafness
relative only to my discolured
fractures, I displease you
I too dark, I too barbarian
discarded my openness
I did all, my hand’s likeness

Where were you?
morning’s first light
I learned my walk
tripped by your absence
mama’s hands only two
where were you?

Did you turn God
and make heavens
my bedtime story,
Grant me a hero
your beloved son
Are you there now
shining your glory to him
While I sat in a concrete
land of your indecision
after I let a tear fall
you understand
you let my birthright go
and I sworn not to you
to my scarred eyes
turned a hateful colour
my blood once was,
denied my hunger
my mother’s eyes glanced
at my paler face
my blackened hair
descended to the
swallowing floor
and I put, I put my mouth
on her neck, read scripture
of my childhood, her beheld
fondness
you understand

I, I dropped to my knees
chanting the old language
you taught, written walls
your ear sat on
Father my anguished cries
mama lull, floating into bliss
I loved her, I hoped for her
where were you?
She loved me, she reached for me
where were you?
my pain pained her lifeless soul
looking down were you
I still your bastard
Your highness

Corrupted Poetry: White Man’s Betrayal

I thrived in the dark behind sins of a spineless being
dependent on light to lower to his knees
begging for forgiveness from his God…

whilst smiling with his mouth closed. In the shadows
where my eyes opened I saw true nature of white man’s
kindness, sister saw it first, but mine more handsome…

brother tried his luck, but mine more charming
His eyes coloured differently between his intentions
and he took from me with his sliver spoon and tongue.

I walked naked once, mother left us land enriched in greens
I’d talked to my ancestors daily before my white man seduced me
to his length, saying my witchy ways knew no bounds, I flaunted

…my virtues near his buds he ought to taste.
He’d wanted all from me, only not to give as granny
used to around the fire in tales of a prince and his princess

I bared him his wants, same wants that told my real wants modern
beauty was beauty they ought to embrace. You are not Africa wants, you
are reminders of my pain…

Lovers Of Forever

What comes to mind when you hear a streaming river
the flow that beacons all of those that you felt
you glanced in the eyes of yours beloved
Do you hear it?
the thrumming beat of I want you
You make my dead cells of hopelessness
dance to the Latin tune of I found my one
What comes to mind?

And when I thought it was better
when I thought maybe I would love you
I love you still in my mind
perhaps I shouldn’t
less is not likely to be any other less
I love you you know
maybe you don’t but you feel it
So I am going to say it still
I will live you, love you, die you
At times again loathe you
and close your eyes
It is all too new
I make sense in my soul
behind wanting to see you everyday
Missing you more than I should
Thinking of you more than I know
feeling you more than I thought I would
You are very much here
Wrapped around my senses
And I can’t say anything about you
And it can’t be love anymore
Something thrilling
Something haunting
Something remarked
I love you, I love you
Forever
And maybe tomorrow
WE will start with that

What do you want to do?
under a heavy tree crying for the leaflets falling
cry for what resembles your sour mood?
the tears for the your lover fights and hurt?
perhaps write down your name
travel to the earth and be blessed
you’re known to be protected
You loved with a fierceness
And you still love with markings of what is
What DO you do?

I think about my lover often too
He has bright molten gold rims
He grabs at the fantasies within arms length
Breaks my heart
Breaks my heart
Breaks my heart
MY lover
He never looks at me
Never looks at me
looks at me

I read a love story
It had Charlotte

Our Summer Mornings, Before and After

Sunday mornings
the one held our traditions
perhaps the Monday mornings
before the hot summer sun rises
we looking in mirrors hoping
the day that passed, hadn’t
with the wind coming from
where you were going
but it passed and so did you
and you hadn’t wanted
I still feel the firmness of your hold
lingering like the hangover
the one that came from a bet
you died first, I drink at the cemetery
reading too much into the last time you smiled at me
our favourite roses too smiling wickedly in your hands
purple, red, yellow, pink, white
and if I’d died first
you’ll wear my disgrace
perhaps both our disgraces
and wash them by the near lake
I’d never want them heating you too much

Only Sunday mornings
and we don’t forget the previous mornings
our day of youngster
I will miss you one day I’d said
I’d touched a lawn that was wet with early morning dew
and I hadn’t known
I would forget our memories
and only carry yours
where you wore white
beside a leafy tree
I try not to cry
I hadn’t known
I’d cancel our summer Sunday mornings
before and after mourning

This IS Who I am

My eyes used their lighter colour
brown chilled in a chocolate dip used to be white
I heard my name far away without hearing my name

My name is
My father’s name ┬áis
My mother’s name is
My brothers’ names are

We go back, now only a little bit
we go back

I used to have bigger eyes
They saw like an owl in a darker night
furthered in fur I’m used to be sure was my God’s gift
only why hang on a tree
But my eyes, their white somewhat lost shine
I inhaled my father’s smoke
He sat on our stool, laughed in a squeaking pitch
perhaps the weight, he ate using his hand

My father was
My mother was
I didn’t have a sister
My brothers were

Where did I fall to?
I say words, jumbled and I never understand
I want someone else
Hold me to their closest closet
I’d lie next to their secrets
hidden from our filthy world
in the dark, where my eyes will glow
and show their immortal colour
I want to say a meaningful part
To his ear, the one holding me.
I want to sing our favourite song.
He’d know what I have never told…
I say what I wanted to say
I lost myself in a few words

My…
…my
I…
My mother is
My father is
My brothers are
Only sister missing, I begged my mother once

I love you my cliche
When you find me you will, back in a hole
blacker than my other skin
I hide there alone sometimes
and my love, perhaps
I would think clearer
is yours where you are

This are my words…
I told, and in my head
they made me sane

…father
…mother
…brothers
…none sister

I want love

Loved Myself A One, Loved the Other

I am a God
confessor of mine emotion
truly felt, though I don’t feel
Loving another
one besides the relic
to destroy beauty of my mind
obsessed with him
that is what I am

I’m now used to be
loved you day, night

He is my creation
listened to his vows alone
I can hold him in my hand
and perhaps in anger
close my palm into a fist
hold up thus my hand
have a drink of his blood
I wanted him with me nourishing
we bonded with blood

I am a God
the only one I look upon
yearning and yearning
What do you see
my eyes open
I saw perhaps a life of his woman
I changed into a yale
my thorns bared to be seen
my fur itching for patting
And he lived happily
whilst I lived in the wild

He is my creation
behind my back
he rebelled against his cage
the chain biting into his skin
I hungered, perhaps overload
yet the eyes behind my head
cried at his torn up skin
at my touch he fell
at my touch he cringed
I am a woman
and I’ll be pierced

I can whisper my blessing
afore letting him wonder
cry myself a river
for love never returned
I’d made myself a man
and he’d found himself a woman
in turn we are a circle

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