15.14.13

I said to my dream,
If you’d feed me once
I’ll tell my companion of your existence.
Now, I don’t remember my dream.

Under The Moonlight

Beloved

The moon has been full for the past three nights and the trees sang for all those nights. While usually such eerie bristle and sky full of stars would fill my head with wonders I’d paint and hang on the walls of your dreams, this time around I found myself without any such wonders but soundless sleep.

It’s made me think that perhaps I’ve reached my limit, my yearning to fill your life with intrigue has been satisfied. That perhaps now the only fantasies I have are my deepest desires and wish for them to remain mine alone, at least till I’m at peace with them remaining dreams.

I haven’t written you any letters for weeks now and I beg for your forgiveness. I’m trying to live; to immense myself in daily matters and leave my head distracted with those matters it has no time to drown itself in too many mindless thoughts.

As I was saying, the moon has been full. I’ve always felt intrigued by this period, not that anything out of the ordinary happens mind you but because of the light that allows you to see your shadow at night; kind of takes away the loniless that night normal brings and makes you feel you’re living in a more darker twin of day. It’s excellent…

I hope you catch it full before you have to wait for it to be full again. Take that light and make memories with me at the centre. With us dancing and our shadows keeping guard for any fate soldiers that would try to get in the way.

Remember I said trees have been singing, and the wind is gentle, the wind will coax us into holding each other, with how the moon is brght; I’ll get to see your eyes in a shade I’ve only ever wondered about; mysterious and hidden but so crystal. I’ve always wondered how you would look at me under the moonlight; at its brightest and heightening my being. It’s a different love story altogether, A very alluring love story.

Let’s make memories during this period and hope our shadows will fall in love as well.

See you beneath the stars
Yours, Lover

Those…

• 

By @mrpiercing_pixel

Knowing you, two steps ahead…

Moon’s Destiny

When is the sun coming out?
Asked the moon

When you’re not out
Said the star

But can we never meet?
Asked the moon

No, you belong to different times
Said the star

Think of yourself as a sun
Only a special one
Because you get to rest
And your rest was destined
Not decided by weather
When its playing its silly games
But because you were made
To be how you are
Said the star

And the moon about to go out replied;
What choice did I have in that?

Decline By Marvel Jay

I envy them, is the truth.
The lot.
Through mistakes they live
Through pain they cry
Through love they rejoice
No matter…

Forgive me,
If I ever thought I was better 
Overlook it 
I am lonely because of the road I’ve chosen 
Even if I tried to look back 
The road would lead nowhere but where I am 
Say I was greedy, faulty in indecisions 
But I only choose wrong
What do I ask of you now?
What can I ask of you?

I envy them so much, I envy them till the sun gives to a silent sky and the stars blink their sleepy eyes. They get to laugh with others and share their lives no matter how they’re living. The lot; they are lucky.

Pain, happiness, love, sadness; they go through it all.

I’m only standing still with my thoughts, wonder how I got myself separate and standing this pitifully by myself that even when I’m with them, I mimic what they do but we both know, I’m standing alone.

So lonely, really lonely…

My name has become a burden
Like this face I want to make perfect;

I’m willing to take another leap, however long it would take me to find them where they stand but I’m afraid, so very afraid that when I find where they stand, it would be where they used to stand; and their shadows won’t be able to show where they went.

And I, I will remain alone…

Yippie!!!

In my language, Ngwaga o mosha!. Roughly translates Year New. Lol

anyhow, happy new year everyone! 2021…

Those Unbalanced

Life isn’t merciless. It grants to those willing
Isn’t that a lie, who isn’t willing?
She’s never met any.

She believes in something,
Though her believe is troubled
She wishes for her mind to rest,
And her eyes to lead
Trusting her eyes would test that believe.

Forgive her in the end,
Every whim she’d ever had, she hadn’t realized
Her heart took them seriously
Its only when she’s about to sleep
She notices, disappointment is the alongside
Fickle hopes, overcrowding what peace she’d developed.
Life isn’t merciless.
If only that lie crossed over with her…

This girl, young as she is
Has a foul cloud in her stance.
Maybe she’d been born with it
Or with each day that passes, her words going lifeless
Nonetheless a foul cloud that’s blinded her
To other colours she should wear
Well, life in general.

She never took, maybe forgot how to take
Was never taught how to take.
The world moves, with it summers that cannot
Be given back. Her words evolve,
This girl wished it would pause
Not for what the future would be, but for her words
To have a life she’d never taken from.

What will life be? Merciless.
How will life be? Hopeless.
Will it be worth it? Priceless.

She’s had dreams, long forgotten of course
Dreams she wishes to remember now.
Those she will paint, immortalize
But they will remain as they’ve been
Dreams of a nobody, long forgotten.
Who is this girl?

I LEFT

On my Friday night
I had a dream, a success story
They dolled me up
And they explained too
What’d they say again, contradictions?
Scarred, marked, un-toned
I left

I have a favourite memory
But you’re not in it
They called me karma, named me
She hadn’t known them
Tears alright, dirt in liquid
How far we’d gone
You left, I’m leaving then

Saturday morning held grey
Which did consume most
They’ve complained, circled
Did it satisfy, did it climax, did it?
Tell me again I’m a poet
Mixed performances of previous night
You’ve always screamed leave, I left

My soul’s yet to reach beautiful
You know maturity
They assumed maxy, excluded me
I’m understanding
What were you dreaming of saying my name?
I’m…I’m…I’m…
Perhaps I am weak, I will leave

I was taught Sunday meant church
Beyond that simplicity I’m torn
Lordship provided, gifted, comforted once awhile
That vein, that green vein safety now guaranteed
They’re unfaithful, why are they to me?
Patience my déjà vu
I left. I had to, I was…I left.

 

Sia Morweng

That After…

My ears tingled
The breath whispered sweet serenade
And I held mine
Savouring the sensation given
Peace only you can provide
Holding onto beautiful
You close to me
Skin to skin

My hand went up
Mesmerized by the silk on your head
And the look you wore
Borderline safe haven
Your mouth lax, eyes closed
How such beauty stumbled into my life
You close to me
Skin to skin

My smile said too much
The unbelievable experience of you and me
And the holding aftermath
Out of this world perfection
Your eyes saying all on the tip of my tongue
Enjoyment of everything that is us
You close to me
Skin to skin

My heartbeat accelerated
Recognizing its missing part back home
And coming alive in return
Shining its worth
Yours accelerated too, syncing
Being one
You close to me
Skin to skin

 

Forgiving Myself

Let me apologize…

Nobody ever said it would be easy but nobody ever said it would be hard either. I went in blind, hoping that I’ll know what is right, hoping that I’ll know what is good for me; and it was hoping alright. None of it helped.

The disappointments along the way, they were supposed to shape me right? They were supposed to make me strong, clever, teach me some kind of lesson and in a way they did, because I lost myself trying to point out errors, became a different person fixing every obsession. This person I became…
She’s art
She’s edgy
She’s dark
And she’s scarred
But I find her beautiful. Her mind, its the most intriguing thing I’ve ever known.

I’m sorry

I might be saying all this because I’m biased, because its all my fault but I think if you look closer, if you take your time to get to know her better, you’ll fall in love with her too. She’s special that way

You were sweet, delicate, caring and so innocent. I messed it up. In my defense, I wanted to live a little, get out of that cage I called safe haven, and get my own mistakes, know what its like to be independent and yes, I took it too far. I mistook pleasure for happiness. They’re so similar though, you can’t in good conscious blame me for it, and at the time I couldn’t differentiate. Pleasure, its addictive. I lost myself in it. It became me, got to a point where I wasn’t sane without it, where I didn’t know who I was without it. Its fine now, I know better. Even though it was a very numb place, peaceful and quiet, its not living and I’m not going back. Like I said, I’m sorry I messed up.

Honestly, it wasn’t supposed to be that way, all of it. It was supposed to be good, entertainment for some time and getting back to reality another time. Although it wasn’t,I’m glad it happened. Sad as it is, it made me see what I wanted out of life, not what your dream was but what my dream is. That might make you angry but I’m not you, not anymore. Holding onto you is taking a toll on me, I’ve got to let you go. I think in doing so I’ll be accepting who I am now. I just hope your ghost will understand.

I’m really sorry.

It was your fault too you know. You thought things were going to be easy. I’m not mad that you were naive, you couldn’t have known. All you got us into, I had to come out of it and I’m begging you to see it from my point of view. Being a rock wasn’t supposed to be hard, but I was required to be a rock or we would’ve lost who we are. We’re me, you might be the past and I the future but we’re still of the same person. Ultimately we want the same thing, for her to be happy. Acknowledging that fact, I think you’ll be able to forgive me. Your forgiveness is the key to moving forward. I want that, and I know you do too.

And maybe saying it isn’t enough but I’ll keep on saying it…

I’m sorry