I Can’t Not Surpass Lonely.

I am a lonely human being,
so lonely that,
looking at the sun at it’s brightest
the light fails to broaden my sight
but passes to narrow it
only not slightly, to the point
it’s not only blinding being that centred
but hurts me to hold a glimpse
that in the end,
instead of baring the pain,
to see what will come forth after it subsides
I, or my eyes
ends up choosing going back to that place
the very place,
shadows can’t live, or I see smoke
that place where
where loneliness is skin of my soul,
I go to sleep.

Blank. Dark. Pitch

I’m a lonely human being
so lonely that,
expectations have started placing me
on their board games.
Soon as my eyes open,
I wonder why I betray myself so.
But a little further, maybe just a little
yet in truth; I’d never want my soul
to be without skin.

And maybe in a dream,
sadness will not be heart of that soul.

Pitch. Dark. Blank.

I go to sleep.


Teeter-Err’d

In the name of this fickle emotion called love
I will chase you barefoot
in my satin gown
and hold the coat that was a barrier for me in the cold
to tell you, no to emphasise
misunderstanding clung to my intentions
I was brave in my surprise
yet my hesitation or yours
but somewhere in between
the line I wanted to cross and where you stood
there was a curtain
and this curtain showed a photograph
An old photograph at that
Of I when I’d been naive, extremely so
Then I’d thought love was the sudden clouds on a sunny day
Misguided and disturbing, didn’t belong
But that had been before
Before I knew the unnoticed have purpose
Like wildflowers, they aren’t haunted
They’re a sprinkle curiosity
to an already exhausted existence.
I’ll tell you,
minding were we stand and what we hold
your impatience, bourn of my ignorance
no matter how unrelated
could to be a reason, an inkling
to turn and face me
So I can take your hand, guide you
where my heart stand waiting with excited thumping
I found you in summer, when I hate colours
yet I decorated my days
with it’s fragrance
to welcome you into my life
whilst all is at it’s peak ripe.

Only A Glimpse.

The breeze had arrived, on time too; my longing had started to taunt.

It swayed in. Yes.

Let the cruel rain take with it what I’d spend all my founded interest in.

Just when I was about to fall to my knees…

Rustling of leaves
first raised my head,
I listened closely
and they weren’t whispering.
I saw how my tears ran
where they’d not be found,
abandoning their comfortable home.

Then it was the aftermath of
that storm I didn’t call.
Guards it’d left,
weren’t chased, more swept of my surface.
I felt my skin tingle,
made for sweet revenge.

If I’d befriended butterflies before,
I’d call them out and twirl.

But my tears had left abruptly,
while my vision was clear,
it made me blink corruptedly.
Love at first sight…

I was all aware I wanted to be captured
By this breeze,
how to me it were unmasked hero.

When I breathed in,
the cleanse wasn’t mere,
it felt reverent.
Perhaps the feeling of standing long
after being pinned,
even my bones opened themselve.

That breeze,
from the courtyard to where I stood
annihilated my dominant past,
each step it took I could see
watchful birds flee,
the ground moan,
but singing of the leaves only persisted
though some traitors fell,
I thought; perhaps the tyranny rain
saw what shade my eyes were,
remembered I too had hopes.

When it finally surrounded me,
already mesmerized by the massacre,
yet insecure of my dependency,
it’s touch took me days ahead
to a serenaded me,
I felt someone finally spoke to me.

Hello, all good?” — The breeze.

I Thought Of Love.

I thought of love,
feeling of cruising your fingers
in cold water, runs through
and makes you shiver.

What it means to me…

Leaves showering under heavy rain
some fall, some strengthen
either come to their destination.
Those strengthened, come out brighter.
It’s such a situation, I fear I’ll be in.
You’ll see me searching
with my eyes frantically if misplaced.

I thought of love,
Dragon mother housing her eggs
till they hatch, then chasing them away.

Is it competitive with nature?

Like a shark being frightening
yet a dolphin is with tricks,
there never was choice.

Maybe the sun knowing it’s meant for light
yet the moon is too.
If I’m able to see…

What it means to me…

That dog was only for breeding
I’ll leave my mother too,
If I died before her?

I hear a song I like
I tell you of it
and anxiously await your reaction?

These complications
but affairs are never bland.

I thought of love,
the strike of lightning you might admire
will have me clinging to you.

If I’m ecstatic hearing my name
from your lips, but it’s mispronounced
and I’m childish it nags,
is a lion to be timid?

I was to water a plant gently,
in my excitement overlooked,
then am I unfeeling?

This love,
what it means to me…

The nest you built for us,
and we found I was allergic.

Stir

Sometimes it’s like this,
I know apples are from a tree,
they’re picked and they fall
But, when it’s starring me in the eye;
the phenomenon is the same as
lightning lighting up a tree.
My mind, rigid thing will only allow;
good morning to keep it’s simplicity yet
I love you is January to December,
has to come with ledgers and certificates,
could never – can never keep it’s simplicity;
meaning I love you, what other intentions could there be?
But; it will forever be attached to,
“How come this exists?”
…I get conflicted.

Letters To Freddie: 03

https://za.pinterest.com/pin/300404237653786301/

Before long and not knowing how or where it began, you started making me smile. I can’t honestly say it wasn’t romantically based but I know it was something I looked forward to. I became greedy and unsatisfied by what I allowed myself to be immersed in, because I found someone I was not envious of, someone I felt neither inferior nor superior to, someone who made me wish to delve the depths of their mind, know the inner workings of their thoughts and most importantly; someone who kept me content with only myself.

Romance tends to sour,
Love tends to fade,
I wanted you to be my family.

Dissociated

https://za.pinterest.com/pin/300404237653914597/
My lover was leaving, 
packed what I'd become in a suitcase 
I'd carry whenever I went to my next pursuit.
After he was gone, 
I stood by the door  
with my thoughts scurrying
I stood by our bed 
my thoughts still scurrying 
finally I stood by the mirror, 
full length mirror and 
I found I wasn't stripped naked 
instead I had on a snow furthered gown 
If ignorant, as I always leaned to 
it seemed I were a queen... 

What does it say for my heartache?

17.16.15

When the sun colours clouds orange,
I’ll say to you an endearing cliche
“Can’t we make today our wallpaper?”

If my eagerness is somewhat skewed,
guide my eyes to yours
I’ll calm there as I’ve always wanted it to be my home.

Sigh,
The feelings I can describe on paper,
listen to them in the thumping of my heart.

When the moon puts clouds to rest,
don’t let your attention leave my pace
“The night brings with it what I’ve always found enticing.”