Who do I be?

It’s as though 
Before I’d known the dream 
For its purpose, its identity 
My soul had already given in 
To the prospect of being anew 
Being of some life my reality 
Never was and once I woke up. 
I couldn’t go back to who I was 
Who I’d always been before that 
Fateful night. I’d changed.

How could that be?

Now I’m left different, in a world 
That didn’t change. A world that still 
Look at me with the same light, 
And because I want to belong, I 
Go by trying to remember who I 
Used to be, never truly being.

But, how can I go back?

Serene, My Darling

Serene
If only your calm followed
Me to sleep
The dreams there I would live

Don’t look me in the eye
Never look me in the eye

Serene, if only we’d met
Before my years were
counted by my
Fingers and toes
I’d hold innocence for you

Don’t hold my hand
Never hold my hands

They used to be
Something you’d look at
And wonder how they’d be
But now look at them, these hands
Even blood doesn’t hold them
Oh, Serene

Don’t watch me
Don’t you ever watch me

Serene,
If only your love
Could lead me to a colourful
Room to gather my thoughts

I wasn’t stolen by neglect
I went out
But the day stabbed me
Too many times
You’ve stepped on my tears
And thought them spilled water
Yes Serene, those that caused dirt
They belonged to me

Don’t pity me.
You can’t pity me.

I want to welcome you
Serene
where you’d not vanish
Into a void of chaos
No one would rescue you from
Take flight while you can
Your beauty will be found by another
I couldn’t ‘ve been the only one

Don’t look back Serene.
Life has your destiny
Follow it.

I’ll be who I am
Besides a mirror
I’ll be whoever I can
With only your memories

Your calm, Serene
Know I wear it
To stop my skin
From breaking me
Reminding me what I’d
done. Your calm
I’ll hold it every morning

Hurt

In red I am vision, 
Rose from your childhood 
Garden, that you planted 
Yet didn’t pluck 
And I fell
Not for the glazed eyes 
But the horns your hands 
Never threw away 
Pricked by love

Guest Posts

Once again hello.

Straight to the point is better than beating around the Bush, yes?

Here it goes.

My blog isn’t big on followers
And I’m too inconsistent on sticking to one way of writing but I love to read and see different experiences out there put into what is expressive to an individual.

In saying this, I would like to start posting Guest Post.

If you’re a regular visitor to my blog, you’ve pretty gotten a feel of what I like and how I write.

No, that’s not what I’m looking for. But this isn’t true, because I’m not looking for anything in particular. Anything with feeling and good, I will post.

My contacts are on the page, email me if you’d like to be part of this new adventure I’m taking.

I love to write and I love to read. And if you want a feedback on what I read, I think I could bring myself to doing that. Eh, that is the most difficult but I would do it.

Anyhow, the guest post is sharing and really trying to bring diversity to what I love.
This, writing and sharing, growing as a writer and trying new things.

If you’d like to do that, contact me at ciawillie@gmail.com with your post and where to find you, maybe a brief biography but that isn’t necessary. Only the name of the blog would be.

Goodbye and thank you.

Yours Truly
Sia Morweng

I LEFT

Sharing and remembering what I fell in love with.

On my Friday night I had a dream, a success story They dolled me up And they explained too What’d they say again, contradictions? Scarred, marked, un-toned I left I have a favourite memory But you’re not in it They called me karma, named me She hadn’t known them Tears alright, dirt in liquid How […]

via I LEFT — That Gut Wrenching Poetry

Forgiven by Her liquor

I’ve drank gin
my mind's escaped 
Filled with fairies 
And I can walk, stumble 
Where my tears are going

Look at me, look 
With my flowy dress 
Exotic flowers 
I am a happy woman 
Used to
There she goes, went she did

My shiny smile 
pour me another glass
I can feel my eyes 
Starting on their refill

To forgetting, few seconds 
Forget my eyes never close 
My heart’s bled itself dry 
And bottle filled of pills 
By my bedside tempts me 
badly to be anew.

Mine I was told 
Have stepped on 
My broken mirror
How would I walk away? 
Unpunished

I hold my liquor 
My thoughts hold me. 
Those memories I want shed 
Wear only in my stupor 
There was a time 
Once upon a time.

What could’ve been, what is…

When a mail man’s bicycle 
Screech is heard from a third house 
From my window, I run from my 
Sanctuary for my true love

I know of my womanhood 
Once my breasts are displayed 
Trust my husband to remind me 
Of how I had a child, a child 
I’d been with nine months 
When he’d  won from his games
That fateful night he lay with me 
And his happiness  gave me a life 
To shower all I know with, my prayer 
Yet my child, still he was covered in blood 
Silent he was on his arrival to this filth 
…to call myself a woman 
So I cut my hair…

The mailman, what news could 
Fulfil this once a women’s dream? 
See the sun still shines 
And I’ve forgotten what the day 
Could do to a bare skin. 
You’ve come…
I’m losing this man
I’d loved this man 
Yet his child left us 
My mind left me 
The mailman by his power 
I’ve set foot on fresh grass 
And seen the outs my house is in 
And to breathe once more 
But there, there he goes 
Passes me without feeling 
Where will I go, what to glance at? 
No more the woman

Same old story

To change is to make myself mold into your life without taking my essence away, when that’s what you fell in love with; isn’t it? It is to become who you’ve always loved while understanding that our differences would never define me as weak, or different but as someone mature enough to admit when I’m not right or cannot have my way, wouldn’t you say?

Tell me, when everything became clear to you that I changed. I can’t seem to remember it like you do because what I remember paints a different picture to what you’ve told me.

“You’ve changed.”

The first time you said it, you’d come home and woke me up by walking in the dark and kicking things around the house, I’m sorry, sneaking around so I wouldn’t tell the time. Does it ring a bell? Or when I wanted to know where you were because I’d been waiting for you with your parents, couldn’t make excuses for you anymore.

“You’ve changed.”

Me, I have changed?

Long past you and I still hear you inside my head. What did I do so wrong than trying to build what I thought you too wanted? Is it my fault, that when I was picking matching plates for our kitchen you thought I was moving too fast, should I have read your mind then? Instead of being comforting acted like I didn’t care just to stay the same and played chase with you?

I’m so sorry

Loved, Lover

I can’t stop
one step to breathing again
find myself peeking
Through my heart
Inside Pandora’s box
All the moments with you
Album labelled “could’ve been mine”
I’m in that ocean once more
Trying to swim
Remembering not to breathe
Your eyes in my sight
Want to close my eyes
You voice in my ears
Want to scream for rescue
But I’m overwhelmed with memories
Life we’d painted
I wanna stop
This expired love
Scripted in my dreams
Going to sleep is my enemy
How to forget my heartbeat?
When I breathe I remember
Comes familiar faces, tears
Who do I cry for?
Knowing compulsion so strong
Why aren’t you forgettable?

I wasn’t enough
Once you looked at me
And forever lasted a second
While its become my every day
Where can you be erased?
In another’s eyes
With the same colour
But your face is all I see
Will I live singing
I knew one-sided love?
Tell me what changed?
I can’t stop
Even while ignoring you
My treacherous mind
Takes me back
I’m unguided
Hungering for one last time
I could her
One last time, I could be more
Look at me, I wanna stop
But where do I go?
Burn who I am
Only to forget you
How’d you win?
In moving on, while I’m still
At your doorstep
Counting “I love you.”
A hundred times
This lifetime
I wanna stop…

Here but missing, Father

I waited by the door,
My father’s steps took days to fade

Before his gift could find a lover
I took to heart his booming voice

Father, I’m happy lying to you
The woman I will be, I will write apologies for

I wait by the window
But my heart, knows to run hide by the wall

Ours is a relationship long forgotten
When have I ever been your only child?

The sun goes to sleep, wakes once again
And the tree’s shadow chased me out

The holidays that have passed
And your name is one I held onto

I waited by the yard
The flowers that once had life, now dead fish

There could’ve been a tree house
Only, only if I’d had your hands to hold

Your footsteps I wonder when they faded
Now, I’ve taken to trying to remember who you are

With so many faces surrounding my chubby face
I waited, waited until only wrinkles on my face

Her voice would draw me back, today and now
But for any achievement, your voice I missed

Yesterday had been my birthday
Your little girl Father, grown an inch but not with you

Father, I’m calling
Remember her

I waited on the roof seeing from many miles
Trinkets, daddy and daughter. Could’ve been us…

I waited in my dreams
Taking my last breath, waiting for you to speak.