The Load Off.

You – the anchor,
should I say; I struggled
amidst the longing
and dreams –
broke the chains
found myself in the
middle of the sea,
without ambition
yet myself a feather.

Was it love or…
poison…I never knew.

I know, then I had a destination,
to claw myself – darkness
be a ladder, I’d pull myself
from any and more nets
by my thoughts – yours truly
when sincere, I’d find
means to walk on further
because you beaconed.

Euphoria –
I was her if you were there.

The abandoned.

Now, can I say;
I’ve loved – meaningless love –
I know dictation and reliance,
Him is the world;
the sun, the moon, the truth –
He, by the door…my heart, my eyes
my voice when cherry and sour
Him – the overload
of my sky.

Then, was I silly – a fool,
to have found a dream
in you and a story I read
myself every night to sleep.

“I love you, I love you so much.
I don’t think I’ll ever love anyone
as much as I love you. You are
the only one for me, I can’t
imagine my life without you.”

Then, was I silly – a fool,
to have belonging
in the time that hadn’t outlived
my existence.

I’m anchorless now –
in the ocean without colour –
my skin is fairer –
I gleam myself prettier –
weightless, I’m vacant –

What is love?
What was love?

When I look back,
who did I want to be?
Mrs… Mrs He.

Yet…I won’t drown.